he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize