Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
