i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
there's paper in my vomit.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
