I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
