If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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