Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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