he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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