Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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