Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
