I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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