what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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