Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
