It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
