I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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