I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
