I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
