went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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