had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
