I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I pour the whiskey from now on
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize