You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
