I like my sex mixed with concussions.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
