Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
