A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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