chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
