I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
