I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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