Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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