So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
