Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
