she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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