I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
