i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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