Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
