I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Boobs speak an international language.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
