dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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