Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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