He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We're too hungover to prance.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
