my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
