Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
