i permit you to call me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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