I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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