So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
