toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
