I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize