well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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