yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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