my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
