she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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