omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
