I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
