I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
