i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
