U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
