Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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