whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
