I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
