if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
