brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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