meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
