I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize