Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
