Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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