How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize