weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize