my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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