We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She has the best kind of daddy issues
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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