I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize