Define "chronic" masturbator.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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