Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
