the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
