FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize