After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
